A Direction, A Future, A Choice
I will be honest with you, if you couldn’t keep up with the changing projections of where my future is headed, well, I can’t really blame you. There has been a lack of information, coupled with a number of previous statements on what I want to do and where I want to go. The fact of the matter is until about a year ago I did not know exactly what I wanted to do. I had just graduated with an MA and I was working. I liked working, I was occupied for only eight hours a day and I had copious hours for playing video games. The stress was less, I had no impending and constant deadlines, and I had no papers to write. It was nice and it was… relieving. So the obvious question came along, do I want to go and do more? Can I stay in the field of computers and web design and be happy? Can I stay on as a University of Michigan staff member and be happy?
Making a Decision
The answer was no, but it was not because of any one thing. I just felt I had more to do and there was more I could do. Working in web design would have been adequate, but it rarely challenged me and that kind of malaise is anathema to me. Then the question became where to go from here. I have an MA. A doctorate was in my future, but a PhD or a JD was the question. I had a degree in South Asian Studies and so to continue my thesis work in to a PhD program would have been a hop-skip-and-jump away. Moreover, I had a degree from Michigan and that counts for gold in the academic world. The problem was if I wanted to do this. I had to figure out what I had not liked in my time as an MA student and moreover whether I wanted to invest eight-ten years in a PhD.
After rumination and discussion I came to the conclusion that my time as an MA student lacked agency and spending time on a PhD would only compound this. I wanted to make an impact, hopefully positive, and I wanted to be back out in the work force relatively quickly. I had more to study and more to learn, but I did not want to spend a decade doing it as well. The sum of these answers meant that a JD was really my only option and I had to then plot my course towards it. For one, I needed to retake the LSAT. My original score on the LSAT in 2004 was far from satisfactory for where I wanted to end up. The 99th percentile was the only choice for me. Thank god, I reached it. A lot of this had to do with studying very, very hard. Whether this is true or not, I have it in my head that I am not a good standardized test taker. Part of this was obstinately stuck in my head from high school when I detested the SAT. I had something to overcome and a lot of studying to prove something to myself. I learnt two things, you can’t keep around preconceived notions and you really need to give something your all. In this case, it worked out well for me and I am going to take this lesson with me for the rest of my life.
Brevity in Writing
So, I got my decision figured out and one hurdle crossed. Then came the question of timelines. How do I phrase my academic and career trajectory to lead up to law school? The answer was not so clear. The first choice was to place my career trajectory on a different footing. Work was ancillary, a way for me to earn money to engage in what I really wanted to do. The academic trajectory was a bit of brilliance by Natela. Instead of using an old metaphor of “journey”, something I tried but just found to staid, Natela proposed the notion of history as a course of action towards agency. It was the journey metaphor in a broad sense, but couched in language that elevated it from being mundane. It was a lot of collaboration that ran over two weeks. In that time, Satomi, Manan, Camille, Kevin, Elizabeth and just about everyone else dropped in their opinion. It took a while to get my personal statement together and as I approached the final stretch I took note of something else I had learnt in the recent past. When working on my cover letter, while applying for jobs, I had let the opinion of others influence the final direction too much. What I was left with was a letter that was not bad, but it was not mine. I needed the indelible final stamp upon the work, a way to seal it as my own. I didn’t get one of the jobs and I always wondered if it was because I had not put enough of myself into the cover letter. This was something I was not going to let happen with my personal statement.
I kept in my euphemisms, my turn of phrases. I have a peculiar style of writing that inserts flair into my work. Some of those reading and proofing my personal statement had a simpler and more straight-forward approach to their writing. That was not my writing. It helped greatly that they tempered my work, helped bring it back to a better center and helped make it more readable as well. Yet, I needed that stamp at the end and so I left the final, final draft to my own choices. I attempted to find a mean, to not stray too far, but to still leave my voice at the top, at the end. I don’t know if I ever achieved that, or if I made things worse, but that is how the applications went out in late November and early December.
Making Another Decision
The decisions trickled in over time and they always seemed to come in batches. Acceptances and then wait-listings and then a few rejections. In my book, a wait-list is the equivalent of rejection. I was just not good enough to get in. That may seem unnaturally harsh to some, but that is how I consider these things. There are no half-prizes and there is no middle in this game. In all I applied to around eight or so schools and my choices dictated my responses, to a large extent. I chose the summer start program for Michigan and I chose a dual degree program at Duke, one that began in the summer as well. Still, I was extremely taken by D.C. and Georgetown seemed like a wonderful place to me when I visited it.
But, these things come down to money, as they always do.
With schools of such high caliber whatever helps reduce the burden is ultimately welcome. In the end, that made me choose Michigan, which offered me the most to spend my next three years there. One disappointment was Georgetown, which gave me a deadline for an offer just outside my April 1st deadline at the other schools. A bird in the hand and all and so I happily chose Michigan. Visiting Michigan Law was unlike being in Michigan proper. This was a school that was on its own, ensconced away from the rest of the student body. The school was small, smaller than I expected, but it was not claustrophobic. People knew each other and it felt like a tight-knit community. I imagine most law schools are like this, but after having experienced the estrangement of my time as an MA student, this felt novel. It felt like my undergraduate in a number of ways and I truly enjoyed that.
My Future Girl
Camille surprisingly did not play a large role in my decision. It all came down to what was best for me. I had asked Camille when I started applying if she would like to have some input in where I applied, she categorically denied the necessity for this. In her eyes, my future should not come at the expense of my relationship. We could make the relationship work no matter what, but the future came by-and-large first. I think this is one of those hallmarks about whether someone truly cares for you, they don’t care about themselves, they want what is best for you. I kept that in my thoughts as I decided and the fact that I can stay in Michigan with Camille is an added bonus, a bonus I am extremely grateful for. The fact that it worked out for the best gives me more hope and confidence in my direction.
So here is the entire story and it has been a lengthy post to explain how eight months culminated in one decision. Fact is that it is one of the biggest decisions to make, as a JD is a terminal degree. With a terminal degree, people usually look at the last degree to judge you, to place you and to hire you. A lot rests upon this decision, not only your prospects, but your happiness for the next three years. I think I have found both, but then again only time will tell when it comes to this. A lot depends on what I make of the next three years (and I plan to make the most of it). Wish me the best of luck, because I am going to need it.
